Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
