just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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