I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
