if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
