see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
