I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is the high leading the old right now
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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