dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
