Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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