Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
