So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
