Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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