Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
