The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
