Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
