Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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