"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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