apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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