he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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