Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
