my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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