You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
