u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
