My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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