just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
