I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
