you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
