Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
