whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
