I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
