I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
