I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize