i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
