At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
