There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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