OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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