Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
