matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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