I hate all girls vehemently.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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