just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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