Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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