White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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