you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
