I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
