I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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