I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
