Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
