Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are a genius and a whore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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