I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
