I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
