Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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