I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
