Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
