Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
