I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
