please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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