4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
