Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
