It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
