no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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