all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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