Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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