As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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