I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize