So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
love makes seman taste better
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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