dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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