I'm going to jail i love you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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