I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
