Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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