This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
