Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
