first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize