she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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