what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize