There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
