I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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