When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize