he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
